A connection

We had a book signing at the restaurant last night. I got to have a long talk with the author. An author from Portland, nonetheless. The irony was not lost on me by any means, I assure you.

Why is it I am scared to admit I am a writer when I know, deep down, it's what I really am? I told him how excited I am about moving to Portland, I told about my hopes for art school, my thoughts on leaving journalism...but there was some..block..that kept me from saying I am an aspiring writer. It kept me from saying how much I would like to write a memoir-style book.

It was interesting for me to realize this...and rather unexpected. My heart aches, aches when I think about writing. Does it ache a little more because I don't feel like I am pursuing what I need to be? Because I feel like a failure? Am I embarrassed at my nearly non-existent repertoire of work? I'm not sure.

All self-help meanderings aside, though, it was, wonderful to meet him. Wonderful to meet someone who has a hard copy of their work and experiences that you can hold in your hands and smell and flip through and put on a shelf. It was just nice to meet a real live person with a book.

Also, he turned out to be a fabulous Portland connection. He gave me a layout of the city; what to look for in the different districts, a huge list of phone numbers of personal friends of his in the art and media scene and also owners of bars and restaurants in the area for perspective jobs.

"Peoria is a good place to get stuck in," he said, recounting his time spent here.
"A good place to get stuck?"
"Well, it's a good place. But it's really easy to get stuck. It happens."
"I've noticed. I don't want to be a townie.."
"Then you won't."

So, yes. Portland seems to becoming something of a reality as I simply sit and stare. It's an odd feeling. Like watching a bridge be built and figuring that you'd better hurry up and get your shoes tied if you want to walk across.

And, world, I am a writer at heart, whether I have been hiding these talents under various bushels or not. Just thought I'd throw that out there.